Evidence of cocaine use has been found throughout Houses of Parliament
There’s been reports that there’s evidence of cocaine use scattered all through the Houses of Parliament. Err, no shit! A bunch of private school toffs like a bit of the old nose candy. Shock! An investigation revealed that nine secure and private areas within the building were checked for coke, and four tested positive. Investigators used a testing kit consisting of pink wipes that turn blue if traces of cocaine are found.
The toilets showed the highest levels of residue, which is pretty obvious really. Apparently those particular toilets can only be accessed by members of parliament and high ranking public officials, so it’s definitely those posh lot and some some lowly janitor if that’s what you’re thinking.
Other locations that tested positive were the disabled bogs outside The Woolsack, one of bars in the Palace of Westminster, and two other bathrooms outside of MP’s offices. Loads of politicians have come under fire in recent weeks and exposed for their drug use, including Michael Gove who admitted he snorted coke when he was a young journalist. Yeah yeah, and the rest.
Boris Johnson also admitted he’d had a ‘solitary line’ back in the day but later denied he’d ever said it. On Have I Got News For You back in 2005, Boris said:
I sneezed and so it did not go up my nose, in fact, I may have been doing icing sugar.
Oh Boris, pull the other one! A Parliamentary spokesperson has now said if “drug use be identified in Parliament, appropriate action would be taken.” Well they can’t fire them or they’ll have fuck all people left. They’re all bang on it!
