Dude jizzes on his food to stop his roommate stealing it!

I never did the whole uni or college thing so thankfully I never had to share a house with a bunch of randoms, but I’ve heard enough stories to know it ain’t fun. There’s always someone who doesn’t clear up there own mess, doesn’t use the loo brush on their skids and ends up stealing your food. You’d think it’s just common sense to be courteous of your housemates but it appears that not everyone has that insight. One dude who was sick of his housemate nicking his food, decided to get his revenge by lacing his pre-prepped meals with his own jizz. Now I know it’s illegal to feed someone bodily fluids but seeing as he’s basically just fucking up his own food, it should be fine right?!

Here’s his story he shared Reddit:

I live in a house with 3 roommates off campus, and I’ve had specific issues with one particular roommate. I’m a grad student, she’s (referred to as A) a few years younger but definitely old enough to know how to live with other people and respect their belongings. I’ve had an issue with A from the day that she moved in, because she insists on stealing my shit and eating my food. I like to cook in my downtime as a practical stress reliever, and I meal prep because I’m incredibly busy between my program and my job. I have almost no time to myself, so I cook a weeks worth of food in advance for myself. Labelled with my name, on one specific shelf. My other two roommates (a very nice couple) have never once bothered my food, and I have been more than willing to share ingredients or other foods that I buy already prepared, because they’re always respectful and ask me.

More times than I can count, I have found that at least 2 meals a week go missing, and I have to scramble to pay extra money for fast food on my way to or between classes. I’ll find my Tupperware in her room, on one occasion I could see she left one of my meals in the backseat of her car, totally wasted. I’ve spoken to her about this at least 10 times already, each time her denying ever taking my food. She’s also made a habit of dipping into my weed stash when I’m not home. I’ll notice that I’ll buy an 8th, and nearly half of it would be gone when I get home from work. I know it’s definitely A, because my other roommates both have government jobs that randomly drug test. They do not partake in the devils lettuce.

Now that the semester is over and I’ve spent almost a year putting up with her bullshit antics, I decided to have a little fun before she left for the summer. It’s disgusting, but I felt like it would be worth it and satisfying for me. I opted to buy a decent sized mini fridge for my room and have been keeping most of my pre-made meals in there. I decided to leave 4 decoy portions in the regular fridge, properly marked as usual. Only this time I add an extra...sauce.

I won’t mince words here, I basically just put jizz in the food. That in itself was a sort of science experiment of sorts getting an even amount in each portion, but I did it, and I won’t lie, I almost died of laughter doing it. I left the food in the fridge and low and behold, I came home from work the next evening and one of the meals was gone. I figured I’d just leave the rest in the fridge and see if she’d get even more bold and take another. Unfortunately she did not, but I definitely felt like my petty revenge was a success

Cheeky bitch deserved it. I hope she realises what she’s eating when she’s halfway through chowing down. The comments were a mixed bag. Some people told him what he was doing could land him in jail while others applauded him. I personally love his creativity. The fucking nerve of some people!