Doctors reveal the weirdest items they've found up patients bums
Who doesn't love a good butt story?! If there's ever a story where someone has something trapped up their asshole, I'm always totally fascinated. When a Reddit user recently posed the question: ER doctors of Reddit, what are the craziest excuses you get for people putting things up their butt? I couldn't help but be on board. Here's what the Drs of the Reddit community came back with:
When I was first interning at a trauma center, a dude said he went to his daughter’s bathroom since his wife was taking a while in the shower, says he slipped and up goes his daughter’s whole Barbie doll up his ass.
When we did the X-Ray, we saw Barbie. Not only was she way up in there, but her arms were straight up and hair was everywhere, it really looked like she was having a grand time!
Shaving cream can. Not a small one. He didn’t have an excuse… And he was rather proud of himself. He asked for a copy of the X-ray.
On my emergency medicine rotation an elderly male came in with a lightbulb in his rectum. We asked about domestic abuse but instead he stated his wife had low libido, and he was “looking for a charge.” He later admitted with a chuckle “I guess it wasn’t the brightest idea.”
Fortunately those cork-screw shaped compact fluorescent lights are pretty sturdy, and they come out easier if you twist them on the way out
In the hospital I worked in through university, word used to get around pretty quick when someone came in with something up their butt. They always said that they fell on it.
One was a tennis ball, and he said he was watching tennis on tv, while naked and playing with tennis balls, then fell on one.
We always joked about how sick people can be, until one day a guy came in with an apple up there. Of course he fell on it. Detectives later came to interview him. When we became aware of their theory that it was there because he owed the wrong people money it all became a lot less funny.
Dude was found laying face down on his couch, completely naked, with a fish tail sticking out from between his cheeks. Firefighters and Paramedics were trying their best to not laugh. He never gave an excuse. All he said was… “it was frozen when it went in”. LOL the fish thawed up his ass and the scales made it so he couldn’t pull it back out.
He ended up needing ass surgery to remove the fish.
Also to top it off like I said everyone was trying to be professional, but just before the ambulance doors closed to take him to the hospital one of the firefighters pokes his head in and said “next time don’t play with your food buddy”. At this point no one can keep from laughing and everyone except the patient loses their composure. The patient tried to sue the ambulance company for not being professional but soon realized it would mean this entire incident would go public and changed his mind.
Some real belters there. How the fuck is that dude using his daughters Barbie doll? C'mon dude, that's just low.
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